Living and Dealing with Uncertainty

“Have you sent your thesis for proofreading”? A friend asks me over KFC’s snack plate recently.

We have known each other since the early stage of Phd journey. In between, we still connect with each other and hang out together.

I smile. “in the checking process”. I simply replied. That’s is the answer I can think of at that times.

She don'’t ask further. Perhaps she understand my situation and condition.

I reflect my response to her while I have the difficult asleep several nights ago.  The answer is too simple. It is not easy at all to tell her how I deal with my current situation and condition.

Truth to be told, living for delayed feedback is never easy. I have been lived like this for 1 ½ year. Similar things happen to other Phd peers as well.

I feel waiting for weeks or months equal nothing. Thesis draft had 20 pages for example but only 10 pages being checked.

Disappointments are numerous to keep count.

Bachelor degree course mates, former colleagues and friends travel to somewhere else for holidays, indulg world famous singers’ concerts, attended interesting events.

Lovely sisters started to join the workforce and earned quite well.

Even worse, some classmates has been submitted the entire thesis for VIVA. Some peers doing amendments after VIVA. Their progresses are better than me.

Right now, degree students “balik kampung” since this semester has come to an end. The sound of suitcases dragged on the ground day by day reminds me students get lesser and lesser in the campus.

Only monkeys and ular biawak (i.e giant lizards) remains here as the companions. Muslims peers especially have specified the back home times and dates for Hari Raya celebration.

And I'm stuck in this journey, unable to complete it.

Night times parents call can’t avoid the questions like “when you can go for VIVA?”, “when you can submit the entire thesis?”

I unsure with the answer and chose to skip these questions occasionally.

This journey leaves me uncertainty, less security, scared and suspicious.

All these cause emotional turmoil and emotional disturbance. Those were my cold days when I don’t want to talk with anyone either wechat or watsapp.

It seems living in my own world actually.

While trying to figure out my current life, I eventually realize I need to face the current life with positive approach. It is the only way for me to move forward.

My life is not going to slow down because of this journey. This journey is only part of my life though it is hard to empty my mind with thesis.

I still need to go shopping, have a nice sleep, have a nice foods and doing exercises. For instance, I began to interest in strolling Alor Setar by taking bus few days ago.

Among the places I have visited are Ukir Mall, C Mart, Texas Chicken and Aman Central (pictures below).

I have learnt to stop dwelling on things I can’t change. Instead, I should focus on things I can. So, I carry on academic reading and writing. Everything will improve and get better in one day.

I have learnt to stop comparing myself with others. It is no use to compare my worst to the best of others.  

Suddenly I feel my uncertainty problem is not complicated anymore. Life must keep on going even with uncertainty and suspicious.

I end this post with the following quote:

 "You can’t stop negative thoughts from popping into your head, but you can choose to stop let them control you and your life – Lori Deschene"

 Outside of the Ukir Mall-food stalls range from snacks, serunding and tidbits.

 Newly discover this Char Kuey Teow sauce but I don't grab it! Such a big bottle for me. 

 Freshly baked kuih bahulu  #kuihbahulu

 So many varieties of kuih bangkit: peanut bangkit, coconut bangkit. On top of that, the packaging really catch my attention. #kuihbangkit #peanutbangkit #coconutbangkit #cutepackaging

Inside of the Ukir Mall-wooden baskets, Muslim apparel shops. 

3 types of lemang: typical lemang, corn lemang, red bean lemang. Out of three, corn lemang is the best

During Hari Raya open house in my hometown, my neighbor gives this lemang and guides us to eat with serunding. 

Malay and Chinese Sarawak mostly have kuih kelupis especially on Hari Raya celebration. After tasted it, Papa and Mama categorize serunding is chicken floss.  

Can't resist the temptation from Kuih Kelupis. #saratok #sarawak #kuihkelupis #hometown @t.leewen @jojo_loves_life_ @l_t_tay @_chee.tay_

A post shared by Tay Lee Chin (@tayleechin) on Feb 14, 2016 at 4:10pm PST

Suddenly I feel want to eat kuih kelupis 

 Lunch at Texas Chicken. This boy is the expert of photo bomber in ruining our photo 

#photobomb #alorsetartexaschicken #ayamlimauberapi 

One of the top 10 most beautiful mosque in the world, Zahir Mosque #alorsetar #zahirmosque #beautifulmosque

A Man's Second Chance//Battle Trip Malaysia//Home Cooked Foods All Day

I watch:

How Dr Andrisse from a prisoner turns to endocrinologist scientist.

He is sentenced to 10 years jails for drug traffickers.

In the meantime, his father’s diabetes get worse, have to amputate his limb.

He can’t sit in himself anymore.

His father gives him inspiration and motivation to pursue diabetes related courses.

He uses a month to complete his studies in the prison.

He prepared to further his education, but get rejection and rejection.

He finally accepted by St. Louis University.

He finishes his Phd program as the top student with outstanding CGPA

Everyone accepted him and knew him academically. However, they didn’t know he has criminal conviction

He hopes to ban the criminal conviction columns of the studies’ registration form.

Everyone deserves a second chance. Everyone deserve an opportunity to plan his or her education

The university or programs that didn’t let me in, is their losses. They lost a talent people. Society also misses out the talent people. 

*****

Watching Battle Trip -Korea’s travelling program.

Of course the important reason I watch this is to make me laugh.

I pick the Battle Trip that go to Malaysia. It is found that Battle Trip explore Langkawi Island.

Langkawi Island is very beautiful in this program.

This program’s 2 hosts’ facial expression and body language evokes my hearty smiles which make me forget worries and unhappiness.

I feel light and joyful at the end of this program.

****

It’s the home cooked foods cravings.

I craved for Mama’s long beans omelet and Pak Choy soup.  I’m in luck too since Pak Choy could be found in the mall.

Hooray!!! Every spoonful of the fried rice and soup brought back memories. I felt like I want to cook again.

Indeed simple life pleasure. 

****

This was to extend yesterday’s joys of home cooked foods.

I added Japanese tofu with Pak Choy this time. It was the favorite soup dish of Roban’s uncle.

My own version of anchovy fried rice. The salty fragrance of the anchovy fried rice reminded me Mama’s advice when preparing fried rice.

“It is necessary to put anchovies and remember to add little waters if the rice too dry”.

Mama’s advices very useful.

Putting this photo in Instagram. Naruto then showed disbelief by leaving comments “Wah, you cook by yourself”?

I’ll  cook for her next time. 

****

Ipoh white town’s Hazelnut coffee, Fuji Bakery’s chocolate muffin at 7.15 am. Chocolate muffin was my cup of day. I didn’t mind to have it everyday.

My Mama's Loves

Looking back, Mama's love indeed unconditional and boundless. Here's how Mama loved me:

Mama Loved Me through Foods

Mama loved me through preparing my favorite foods: fried nuggets, long beans omelet and braised pork in soy sauce every time I back home.

It was a warm welcome after away from home for 6 months or more than that.

Sometimes, I excitedly told her I craved for certain foods for example dried radish omelet. She would go to the market to get the dried radish and make it.

She always made sure I was feed enough with the home cooked foods.  She understood home cooked foods can’t buy outside.

She didn’t mind me to eat more. My weight issue was not her main concerns.  As she said “ 会吃就是福气”.

Though I had grown up (reached 30 years old very soon), she always worried if I had eaten especially I away from home.

Not only that, Mama always gave the best part of the meal for me like pig knuckles although I told her I liked to eat pick shoulders too. 

Mama Loved Me through Giving Me Chances

Mama didn’t obtained tertiary education. So she send me for many private tuition classes so that I could enter tertiary education.

She afraid I would fail for SPM Bahasa Melayu and can’t proceeded to form six. So looking for Bahasa Melayu tuition teacher was imperative for her. Because of Mama’s effort, I could continue study form six and UMS after that.

Mama was a full times housewife. She experienced the challenges of the full times housewife-no income and annual leave for the entire life. She always assured me to join the workforce. She stressed that “low paid doesn’t matter, but at least you’re capable to feed yourself independently” 

She didn’t know how to drive a car, so she insisted me to learn how to drive a car. Until now, she wanted me to pick up the driving skills slowly when I hadn’t drive the car for a long times. She didn’t want me in trouble when I start working later.  

Mama Loved Me through Believing Me

Mama believed me in not mixing with the bad friends during undergraduate times. She wouldn’t ask who I outing with.

She trusted my judgments to choose the reliable friends which will support me either in good or bad times.

Rather than seeking the reason I pursued Phd study, she pay my Phd study’ registration fees happily. In fact, I could pay by my own.

She had faith on me to complete Phd study.

When I sad during Phd journey, she said “just do your best and pray for the best”. That’s how I went through proposal defense, data collections and other requirements so far. 

Mama Loved Me by Knowing Me Very Well

I chose art stream instead of science stream during form four. Mama had not objections at all. She realized I had poor mathematics and calculation knowledge. She just wanted to see me happy when learning art stream subjects. 

She never canned me for the mistakes. Canning me influenced me physically and emotionally. Instead, she advice me patiently. Her principle-"today she couldn't understand, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow she would understand"

She knew I had constipation issue. She would cut fruits and forced me to eat it. 

Every now and then, she worried my migraine problem. Any traditional Chinese medicines that could cure it, she would go for it.

Mama, I’m so lucky to be your daughter honestly. I truly appreciated your sacrifices and cares for me. 

Happy mother’s day, Mama. 

Mahsuri Tomb//Cenang Lodge Motel//Cenang Beach//Nest Rooftop//Paddy Field

Update on **21-23 April 2017**

I took 3 days to Langkawi Island last week for the first time.

The ferry from Kuala Perlis to Langkawi took about an hour and the ticket was RM 18 for one way.

I noticed the ticket could be bought online. (H.E.R.E)

I was told that the ferry on 9 or 10 am mostly fully booked especially on the holidays. Also, the last ferry from Kuala Perlis to Langkawi was 7pm.

I found that no ferry announcement departure. Luckily, I followed my friends and the crowds. People and suitcases everywhere of the early morning ferry.

The interior of the ferry Langkawi liked the Macau ferry actually. Nice comfortable seat and fully air-conditioner. Movies were played too.

Hello Langkawi. Good morning, Langkawi. You looked gorgeous and stunning!

Late breakfast in Langkawi. A friend struggled in bringing us for breakfast since Kedah people not took breakfast. But she chose this one as our breakfast.

No difference in terms of prices and menu in UUM. Again, a friend of mine reminded me both of them were in Kedah state. No new foods exploration, sigh!

Legend of Mahsuri-have you heard it?

I first heard this most famous tale of Langkawi Island at such a very young age. #legend of Mahsuri=Langkawi island, Langkawi island =legend of Mahsuri.

What made me remembered this tale most was the white bloods flowed from the wounds of Mahsuri when she sentenced to death. She then cursed Langkawi island had 7 generations of bad luck.

Thus, after arriving Langkawi, the first thing I did was to visit Mahsuri tomb. I paid RM 12 as entrance fees and stepped into the complex like buildings.

In there, I was told by the story of Mahsuri and enjoyed the background music played by the locals using traditional music instruments.

Mahsuri tomb’s historical site also included Mahsuri’s traditional Malay house. Its main characteristic was built on the stilts.

Besides that, everything in the house about wood-wooden chairs, bed and so on.

There were high pitched roof and plenty of large windows. Ventilation was really good.

 Ta da....Mahsuri tomb 

Having the good times at there 

Traditional Malay games, congkat 

 7th generation of Princess Mahsuri-Wan Aisyah 

This was Princess Mahsuri 

A friend of mine then brought us to Pantai Tengah.  So relax at that moment when listening to the sounds of waves crashed on the shore while staring on the clouds.

But the relax moment sometimes scattered by the noise of the aero planes. Pantai Tengah closed to the airport.

A friend of mine on the other hand excited for the aero planes when she saw aero planes flied over our head.  

Cenang Lodge Motel checked-in.

I managed to get the private single room with ceiling fan for RM 109 from Agoda.com. To be honest, this was one of the most comfortable budget motel I had ever stayed.

It had complimentary use of WIFI, mineral waters, wardrobes, power sockets, ceiling fan, bath towels and clean bathroom.

WIFI very strong and only needed 1 time logged in. Bath towels-fragrance and it lasted longer. 3 power sockets were available in the room which was enough for me.

My favorite part was it provided the place which is right outside of the room for hanging the clothes and towels. This motel really understood the needs and wants of the travellers.

Further, I satisfied with the high water pressure of the showerhead in the bathroom. It took me short while to rinse the shampoo from my hairs and body.

Additionally, this motel offered superb location whereby close proximity with Cenang beach, seafood restaurants, Cenang malls and Laman Padi.

Besides that, it was worth to mention that the staff was very helpful and friendly. The staff borrowed the hair dryer for me without asking for deposit. Also, he offered to call the taxi if I needed it.

In conclusion, there was not much to complain if you’re the budget travellers. Overall, this motel had excellent service and highly recommended!

In Cenang beach before sunset. 

An ice-cream attracted my attention. His ice-cream was the mix of strawberry, chocolate and oreo flavors. Not too bad!

In Nest Rooftop which claimed to be a great place to see the sunset. However, no sunset and the service was bad.

On that evening, I waited the menu like decades. The waiters or waitress forgot us. It frustrated me when other tables (come later than us) had ordered their foods. Some had enjoyed their drinks.

They also took long time to prepare my drink, fresh orange juice. The orange juice upset me too. It was tasteless. I felt drinking plain water instead of fresh orange juice.

Late dinner-fried beehon and kuey teow. Huge portion and flavorful. I liked it.

Breakfast, roti telur, milo tarik, teh tarik

Morning walk along the beach is the greatest blessing of the day. #langkawiisland #beachwalk #vitaminsea #strollingbeach

A post shared by Tay Lee Chin (@tayleechin) on Apr 21, 2017 at 7:25pm PDT

At Cenang beach for strolling and taking photos. 

Laman padi Langkawi, 10.30 am. 

All lush greenery and stopped to smell the sweet aroma of the rice fields in the breeze.

Through the sun was not intense at that morning, but the paddy fields still shined and glowed.

If looked closed, a cow ploughed the rice fields. I could also spot the iconic straw man worked in the paddy fields. 

Herbal garden with various types of herbs, plants and flowers. 

The breeze was so refreshing plus with the lovely views of the paddy fields all around. 

Anyone could sense our harmony and joy?

People everywhere in the duty free shops and everyone went for chocolate shopping. But I searched for Redondo waffles-the only demand for myself

The prices varied based on different duty free shops in Cenang area. Some cheaper and some exorbitant. So, I began to think choosing carefully. 货比三家是对的.

The most beautiful sunset ever in the Cenang beach 

The sky suddenly shifted to palette of colors: pink, purple, orange, yellow-all set against the blue sky.

I stared at them and without saying a word with my friend. I never ever forgotten this beautiful sky.

Can’t resist for shooting more pictures. It was so pretty

people, beanbags, loud songs, snacks and beverages

as well as romantic dinner

Cenang area currently undergone massive development-road works, pavement works, half built hotels, hoardings around the empty lands.

Many parts of pathways of Cenang area very dark as there was either no lamp posts or the lamp posts didn't turn on. 

I told myself to extra cautious especially the large pothole of the pathways. I didn't want my ankles being twisted. 

Catching the sunrise

Ang Mo citizens had morning jogging, wild dogs sat on the beach observing the waves, black crow birds drug for little crabs beneath the sands. 

Mama Tay believed seeing the black crow birds was the unlucky sign. Her next action will be run away, rubbed her hairs and mumbled "soi zao heng lai" (good luck came, bad luck gone/霉运走，好运来）. 

I'm not, I just kept a distance because of its' loud and strident bird noises. 

Adjourning to Kuah town for taking ferry

Langkawi icon-the Eagle

Friend: Why no jumping pose with the eagle?

Me: Too old already, this pose not suitable for me.

Friend: Haha...LOL

Friend: I usually see students do jumping pose with the eagle.

This hyper active posture will cause me admit to the hospital. Perhaps I'm the first who had the jumping shot till admitted to the hospital. ☺☺☺

That's for all now!