Life Updates (1 November 2016-15 November 2016)

"1 & 2 November 2016"

Went to SmartPLS 3 workshop. I wished to clarify some doubts but caused confusion that lead to resistance to change. Honestly, I lacked of basic statistic knowledge.

At the end, I chose to stick to what I had been learnt as I remember the main key of doing research was “defend your own works”. Hopefully I able to justify my own analysis decision and reflect the analysis outcomes during ViVa.

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"3 November 2016"

Came across this meaningful wisdom of quotes:

The people with goals are running,

The people with no goals are sleeping because they don’t know where they can go.

The people with goals are grateful

The people with no goals are complaining because the entire world owe him or her

The people with goals can’t sleep

The people with no goals can’t wakeup because they don’t know what they should do

Absolutely agree.

In the Phd journey, I often heard the Phd friends can’t study in their rooms as the bed seduced them. They then slept for whole day without doing anything. Later, they blamed some events, person and things whenever bad things happened on them. 

The faults always not came from them. The terrible thing was they never think on how to solve the problems and also make their life better. The only thing they discussed was what happened to them. They rarely talk about the amazing things. I did advise them but they always had reason behind their particular actions. 

Their every reason that told me why they can’t solve the problems and also make their life better sound so reasonable. They in fact had masked their laziness. It’s so hard to change their mindset as their beliefs were firmly ingrained. 

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"4 November 2016"

Two steps from heaven, episode 7:

当我放下面子去赚钱，就代我表懂事，(when I could put down my egoism for earning the money, it referred I had been grown up)

当我可以用钱买回面子，就是成功了，(when I could use money to but the egoism, it referred I had power )

当我可以用面子去赚钱的时候，我已经是一个人物了，(when I could utilize the egoism for earning the money, I had become figurehead)

如果我还停留在不懂装懂，凡是都讲面子，我这辈子也不过如是。(when I pretended knowing everything, always talked about egoism. My whole life can’t improve at all)

I want to remember this!

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"7 November 2016"

Second supervisor finally contacted me for discussion after busy for several weeks.

To my shock, she apologized when seeing me at the first sight.  She felt sorry for not checking my writings.

I felt touched at that time. She realized her action brought significant inconvenience for me and willing offer apology even though she had the high position.

Will I one day say sorry for the students if I truly hurt them?

Moral lesson of the day: apologizing seemed so hardest, but offered sincere apology to the people that deserved it can gain the forgiveness and alleviate the guilt. 

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"8 November 2016"

Quite a long time not had this side dish, Somalia’s stir fried potatoes. Not only stir fried potatoes, Somalia’s spaghetti was the first that I thought when I craved for spaghetti compared other Malay food stalls. It’s less oily and price was reasonable.

Recently, I discovered food prices were increasing. A plate of mixed rice with chicken and vegetables costs RM 5.00. Sometimes, I just have several types of vegetables like tofu, fried mushroom and fried eggs also charged RM 4.50. 

Alamak, surviving in university also not an easy task nowadays. 

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"10 November 2016"

Receiving messages from the first supervisor in oversea in order to request my help in writing the few pages of her research proposal’s literature reviews.

At the end, I agreed to help her. Honestly, it was not about kiss her ass. It was mainly due to “give and take” principle.  It was a good nature exchange whereby I learned a lot of knowledge from her and in turn I helped her while she suffered.

Apparently, “give and take” principle was one of the best ways to practice happiness, life satisfaction and decrease depression and anger. Instead of thinking how people treat you negatively, but thinking on how much he or she had helped you!

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"11 November 2016"

Seeing one of my Iban friends at Sarawak posted her well-prepared dinner to welcome her husband that back from outstation.

Wow, all the dishes really seemed like cooked by Chinese chefs. It’s unbelievable they were cooked by Iban people.

At that moment, I also missed these dishes cooked by Mama.

Kari manuk, sapi masak kicap, manuk masak halia, daun cangkuk goreng telur- I wanted Mama to cook for me when I’m in home.

FYI, Manuk=chicken. Manuk was Iban language.

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"12 November 2016"

Watching this motivational video shared by one of the favorite blogger, Becky from Taiwan

This Olympic runner really demonstrated “Never ever Give Up”

I belief that’s all we needed to practice in life, isn’t it?

I hope whoever faced any difficulties remember keep on moving forward to achieve the goals no matter how pain it was throughout the life journey.

I also constantly told myself “I can do this”

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"13 & 14 November 2016"

Went to Expo, which is graduation ceremony’s food and garment stalls.

It’s quite grand this year and so happening. Everywhere in university was damn crowded. Parking spaces very limited.  Cafeterias were filled with people.

Here’s some food and garment stalls that I managed to capture:

 I was their faithful customers. Their drinks so "kaw" and really worth the money!

Long queue in this Somtam (mango salads) and kerabu ayam (Thai style chicken feets) stall. Authentic of Thailand's style could be found here 

Popcorn chickens. It was perfect if served with chili sauces and mayonnaise 

 Another Thailand's dish, which is Kerabu Maggi are widely seen here too. 

First in my life time get to know this food was "fish sate". But I was being told that it's awfully taste because the fish paste were in small portions compared to flour proportions. 

 Recent football match's trophy was inside

I captured it silently as it was charged if you wished to take photo with the trophy

 sushi van 

 current bags trends, Tote bags

 Batik

love this pieces

It's not surprisingly to find that most of the fashions are Malay styles as here majority were Muslims.

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"15 November 2016"

One of the Tripzilla’s travel articles titled “travellers are flocking to Iran-and this why you should too” caught my attention and decided to read it.

Couples days ago, I told one of my travel addict friends about Iran was a nice place to visit. However, her instant reply was it was not safe for travelling as war and bombing issues. 

I just remained silent as I was not sure about the safety levels in Iran. Today after reading read this article, it changed my mind.

The writer had clarified and cleared all the Iran’s negative views such as Iran is a desert country, Iran has wars throughout the years, Iran did not respect people’s freedom….the list went on. Therefore, the writer narrow down five top reasons should visit Iran.  

Also, the writer had shared the great pictures of Iran’s attraction places. In order to confirm the validity of the attractions, I googled found the Iran attractions.  

All nice and great, right? Perhaps it became one of my to-go travel list. 

Last but not least, ending this entry with one of my favorite saying 

Human left nothing when dying 

Fake It Till You Become It

I watched this video which was the TED talk by social psychologist, Amy Cuddy. The beginning part was very interesting and informative. She talked about the connection between power poses and body postures. Both of them acted as nonverbal communication. Take for an example, athletes spread out their hands widely when they win the tournaments in order to show their prides. On the other hand, if humans and animals were powerless, we wrapped and closed up ourselves. 

I agree by nodded my head while watching. The most inspiring part was she discussed about “fake it till you becomes it” by sharing her own story. The reason behind that was the body changed the minds, the minds changed the behavior and the behavior changed the outcomes. She was in the car accident when she was 19 years old, which make her IQ decreased 2 standard deviations. She often identified with being smart. When this smart identity away from her, she felt entirely powerless. 

People told her she wouldn’t be able to finish the college but she worked hard and eventually graduated. This took 4 years which was longer than her peers. Then, an angel advisor took her and she ended up in Princeton. She thought “I’m not supposed to be here, I’m imposter”. The night before her first talk, she was afraid and told the angel advisor she was quitting. Her angel advisor said

"You’re not quitting, I’m gambled on you and you stand, you’re going to stay. You’re going to fake it. You’re going to do every talk that you’ve asked to do. You’re going to do it, do it until terrified, paralyzed, and out of body experiences till you have the moment you say “oh my god, I’m doing this. I’m actually doing this"

And she finally did it. She went to Northwestern then to Harvard. Talk after talk and she no longer thought “I’m not supposed to be here” anymore. While she was in Harvard, a student that never talked in the class in the entire semester came to see her and said “I’m not supposed to be here”. At this time, Amy Cuddy’s tears started falling. That was the moment for her. She realized she did not felt like that anymore but the student did. She understood her student’s feelings very well. She told the student

"You’re supposed to be here, and tomorrow you’re going to fake it, you’re going to make yourself powerful, you’re going into the classroom and give the best comments ever"

The student did it. The student gave the best comments ever. They met again and she realized she faked it till became it. She changed it. So, 

"Don’t fake it till you make it, fake it till you becomes it”.  

Last but not least, she encouraged by saying “tiny tweaks lead to big changes”. Before facing stressful situations, hands on the hips for two minutes in the bathroom, elevator or behind the close door. It will configure your brain to cope in the best situation. We’ve to show who I’m in the certain situation and significant changed the outcomes of our life. So extremely inspired by this video after that. “Fake it till you became it” was my life motto. I must confident in myself, act like the person I want to be and worked hard on it. And I will win in one day. 

Here's the video:

October's Life Summary

Recently, I read an article "don't let writing be a wilting suit". It said if an apple a day kept the doctor away, the why nurture to write a page daily. 

By writing daily, it was possible to grow up with abundance of knowledge, excellent vocabulary, become more creative which can thought out of the boxes.  

I was so inspired after that and wished to pen down about daily life which mean something special, unique and evoked my emotions. I just spoke to myself for reflection purposes. 

Below were my writing voices:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

10 October 2016. That day was not the smooth day for me as I discovered a big mistake for my data analysis.

Few parts of analysis process that I worked for 1 week were redundant and needed to be remove. Some parts needed to add more. 

Honestly, I don’t have the good relationship with SmartPLS, software for analyzing the data. It’s not my area of interest too. But I must remain optimistic and decided to try my best.

Oh no, it’s not an easy job. There had been days I felt very confident learning the SmartPLS and other days I felt very lost and hardly made any progress at all. 

No matter what, I should work hard!

Luckily at this data analysis stage, I met Sri Lanka neighbor that helped me a lot. 

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It always reminded me how beautiful the views of UUM.

11 October 2016, at the bamboo jungle and became one of my walking trails right now. I suddenly realized there were so much best views and nice people that make me smile instead of depressed not-so smooth Phd journey

“It doesn’t matter we don’t have the best for everything, but we make the best of everything we have”

I believed that’s all I need to do in life, isn’t it?

Lets’ learn brave and kind to myself ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

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12 October 2016, quickly woke up while receiving messages from Phd supervisor in oversea for furthering her postdoctoral study during midnight.

I blamed her for lacking times to check my writings and concerning my progress since she started her postdoctoral study.

But that night all blaming were gone as I chose to put myself into her shoes. I would have exactly made the same choice like her. I learned that she also suffered for meeting mentor’s expectations and adapted to the new environments.

I even send the motivating quotes for her as encouragement. Hopefully the motivating quotes brought warmth and hopes for her especially in the foreign land.

I shall tolerance more, right?

That night I felt close to her. On that night, she was not the Phd supervisor that owned the authority and power to control me. She was the ordinary postdoctoral student that worked hard for producing good writings. 

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13 October 2016, simple plain porridge as dinner. I tended to seasoned with mince pork bean paste, which was one of my comfort food.

This food’s value was beyond how good it tasted already.

Mama used to prepare this style of porridge for me. Foods always transported me back to the past.

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14 October 2016, using leftover mince pork bean paste for making “Bak Jio Mee Pok”-a type of foods invented by my own uncle. 

No matter where I went, I always missed it. This included my other sisters too. So, every time I saw the mince pork bean paste in the supermarket shelves, I surely grabbed few back homes.

Then, I attended sushi workshop of D’ Hospitality Restaurant. I knew, you all would say making sushi so easy, it’s not necessary to learn.

But it’s one of the reasons to out from my room for having brain break. I didn’t want to touch Phd works that day.

I had learnt several types of sushi and also the right ways to roll the sushi. Pressure was damn important to determine the nice sushi and sushi cutting.

Feeling like proud Mama seeing these masterpieces!

Although the ingredients were very simple and could get at anywhere,

Although I could learnt sushi making process from YouTube,

Although the instructors were not fluent in Malay and English speaking,

But I gained most satisfaction at the workshop compared at homes.

I could sense their sincerity in teaching the participants. I could observe their harmony relationships with their organizing team members. 

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15 October 2016, read these few quotes on Facebook and it was really thought provoking

Someone that really put you in their hearts, will make the first move to apologize, apologizing didn’t mean he or she made the mistakes, but he or she didn’t want to lose you

Someone that really put you in their hearts will contact you first because he or she missed you.

It reminded me how I thought my friendship. Wen Liann, Chik Fei, Yang Bo, Miss Wong, Crystal, Shu Fang, Marina, Safiah contacted me occasionally to maintain our bonding.

I reply their message sometimes because I didn’t want to lose them.

Forgiving didn’t mean big heart but because he or she didn’t want to lose you

Not forgive someone, not because of how deep he or she hurt you but the heart for someone was gone.

I always not forgive the friends when I saw their true colors, attitudes and behaviors that might not similar as I normally did. This automatically created a gap between us.

All the good impressions for the particular friends were gone. So, I chose to break the bond of friendship between us. I never ever regret but the awkwardness is inevitable. 

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17 October 2016

Almost 2 days laptop no WiFi connection. No articles searching, no Youtube videos, No blogs reading. I can’t breathe at all. I suffered panic attacks.

I never knew that one day I had social media obsessions.

When I learned that Information Technology department helped to solve the problem, I quickly went there.

On the way to the Information Technology department, here’s the conversation with my Phd friend.

“Aiya, can’t do my Phd works when no WiFi”

“My main concern is can’t watch Hong Kong drama. I desperately want to watch the last episode of one of the Hong Kong drama that I used to watch every night”

“ Hahahahaha. It doesn’t matter not sending emails for the supervisors”

“Absolutely correct! You really know me very well”

Both of us burst into laughter. 

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If you’ve 5 minutes, listen to this song!

18 October 2016, entire day play this song, Kayee’s “Can You See” after watching the last episode of Law and Order (律政强人）

I had soft spot towards this type of relaxing and soft-singing song. Feeling comfortable, peaceful and quiet when listening. 

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19 October 2016

Realizing Malay friend always loved to message me using various short form Malay words. Some more, all her Malay words were Kedah pronunciation.

“Sy mai opis dh…nasi td mkn dgn Solehah plk…hehe dia sllu jugak bli nasi lmk kat sy pagi”

“Klu dah buka saya pi”

“Pjgka baris u”

“Sekejap ja artu”

“haha ada ja...satgila…tay person x…semlm da”

“tula…saja nak hlg stress tu yg jalan…klu sehari xla kcu jadual sgt

“untgkla….haha…eskkna pi kja…kja xhabis….huhu

“duk siap kja prof tiap ari cari”

“tula, biar depa decide”

“nak ajkpi pos kat chglun”

“jumpa blkla…xcakap tgn nak bawak…huhu”

“haha…ya latu…tdo…zzzz”

How many that you could understand?

I took 5 minutes to comprehend her messages. Sometimes, I even asked the very simple and straightforward questions like “what’s pi”? “what’s opis”? “what’s mai”? what’s kja”? “what’s depa”? “what’s tdo”, “what’s satgila”, “what’s ayaq”? ““what’s hang”? what’s habaq”?

Here’re the answers:

Opis=office

Mai=datang (come)

Kja=kerja (works)

Depa=mereka (they)

Tdo=tidur (sleeping)

Satgila=sekejap nanti (later)

Ayaq=air (water)

Hang=kamu (you)

Habaq=beritahu (tell)

Right now, I still struggled when reading Kedah Malay messages. But I believed I read more, it should get easier. I sincere hope that.

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20 October 2016

Read someone Dayre that said “what do you want to do before you die?”

After deep consideration, my answer was “spend times with the loved one- Papa, Mama and siblings”

There’s a saying “金银财帛有用尽之日，佳肴美酒亦有散席之时，唯有亲情方可留在心中”

Not loving my family members by spending little times with them was my biggest regret currently.

But this video tell me

“Everyday is a clean slate, do the things you’ll regret not doing” It’s never too late to happen”

Another follower also reminded me:

“Everyday is new beginning and new start to do what we want and what we love, so forget the past and start from bottom and all that need believing.”

Yes, I firmly believed I’ll spend more times with family members in the future.

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23 October 2016, Sri Lanka dorm room neighbour’s Mi Maggi Goreng.

This home cooked and simple Maggi Goreng utterly delicious even though no high dose of Wok Hei, no aromatic, the noodles and ingredients were not blend harmoniously with each other.

It was her token appreciation meals for me that gave souvenirs from Hatyai yesterday. She always showed gratitude and acknowledged my effort for helping her. 

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Thailand cup noodles packaging

I shifted it to the rice cooker for cooking 

24 October 2016, Second time trying Thailand tomyam noodles. Definitely it was one of the best instant tomyam noodles I had eaten.

I like how the tomyam soup had the good balance of spicy, sour and savoury. I took longer hours to forget the beautiful taste of this type of good tomyam soup that lingered on my tongue.

Sadly, it could be found at Thailand only. 

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“Wen Jie Jie, your hospital is caught fire”

“Ya la, only know you care for me”

“The ICU got burned”

“Haha, they say the gas meletup”

“Wahhh”

“Wen Jie Jie 暗示no one concern her”

“Aiyo so old masih macam itu”

“Haha ya la, my friend all watsapp me this morning but not my family members”

“Ya la my friend know the news faster than me, I stay in office also don’t know, but I’m not affected la”

“Apuu you never tell me you work at hospital laaa”

“Wah Fei Fei you never ask where I work. I mahu nangis”

“I talk phone to you lehhh”

“You didn’t tell me”

“Hahaha”

That’s my family chat, most funny so far and I laughed loudly. Siblings separated with each other but wastapp connected us closely.

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28 October 2016, having severe menstrual cramp today and trying this Korea Ginseng menstrual pad that I bought in Hong Kong 1 year ago.

It cured my cramp effectively within half an hour. It totally replaced menstrual painkillers that I used to.

No more applying “Cap Lang Balsem Gosok” on my stomach today. Korea Ginseng menstrual successfully heated my stomach. I felt relief and comfortable.

After that, I realized it only available in Hong Kong pharmacy outlets. Malaysia in fact quite hard to find. OMG… 

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29 October 2016, third times cooking this corns & carrot porridge. Feeling proud of myself able to cook such creamy textures of porridge like I had in Hong Kong. I finally mastered this type of skills. 

That's all. Hopefully I managed to sustain this writing voices post for incoming months!