Living and Dealing with Uncertainty

“Have you sent your thesis for proofreading”? A friend asks me over KFC’s snack plate recently.

We have known each other since the early stage of Phd journey. In between, we still connect with each other and hang out together.

I smile. “in the checking process”. I simply replied. That’s is the answer I can think of at that times.

She don'’t ask further. Perhaps she understand my situation and condition.

I reflect my response to her while I have the difficult asleep several nights ago.  The answer is too simple. It is not easy at all to tell her how I deal with my current situation and condition.

Truth to be told, living for delayed feedback is never easy. I have been lived like this for 1 ½ year. Similar things happen to other Phd peers as well.

I feel waiting for weeks or months equal nothing. Thesis draft had 20 pages for example but only 10 pages being checked.

Disappointments are numerous to keep count.

Bachelor degree course mates, former colleagues and friends travel to somewhere else for holidays, indulg world famous singers’ concerts, attended interesting events.

Lovely sisters started to join the workforce and earned quite well.

Even worse, some classmates has been submitted the entire thesis for VIVA. Some peers doing amendments after VIVA. Their progresses are better than me.

Right now, degree students “balik kampung” since this semester has come to an end. The sound of suitcases dragged on the ground day by day reminds me students get lesser and lesser in the campus.

Only monkeys and ular biawak (i.e giant lizards) remains here as the companions. Muslims peers especially have specified the back home times and dates for Hari Raya celebration.

And I'm stuck in this journey, unable to complete it.

Night times parents call can’t avoid the questions like “when you can go for VIVA?”, “when you can submit the entire thesis?”

I unsure with the answer and chose to skip these questions occasionally.

This journey leaves me uncertainty, less security, scared and suspicious.

All these cause emotional turmoil and emotional disturbance. Those were my cold days when I don’t want to talk with anyone either wechat or watsapp.

It seems living in my own world actually.

While trying to figure out my current life, I eventually realize I need to face the current life with positive approach. It is the only way for me to move forward.

My life is not going to slow down because of this journey. This journey is only part of my life though it is hard to empty my mind with thesis.

I still need to go shopping, have a nice sleep, have a nice foods and doing exercises. For instance, I began to interest in strolling Alor Setar by taking bus few days ago.

Among the places I have visited are Ukir Mall, C Mart, Texas Chicken and Aman Central (pictures below).

I have learnt to stop dwelling on things I can’t change. Instead, I should focus on things I can. So, I carry on academic reading and writing. Everything will improve and get better in one day.

I have learnt to stop comparing myself with others. It is no use to compare my worst to the best of others.  

Suddenly I feel my uncertainty problem is not complicated anymore. Life must keep on going even with uncertainty and suspicious.

I end this post with the following quote:

 "You can’t stop negative thoughts from popping into your head, but you can choose to stop let them control you and your life – Lori Deschene"

 Outside of the Ukir Mall-food stalls range from snacks, serunding and tidbits.

 Newly discover this Char Kuey Teow sauce but I don't grab it! Such a big bottle for me. 

 Freshly baked kuih bahulu  #kuihbahulu

 So many varieties of kuih bangkit: peanut bangkit, coconut bangkit. On top of that, the packaging really catch my attention. #kuihbangkit #peanutbangkit #coconutbangkit #cutepackaging

Inside of the Ukir Mall-wooden baskets, Muslim apparel shops. 

3 types of lemang: typical lemang, corn lemang, red bean lemang. Out of three, corn lemang is the best

During Hari Raya open house in my hometown, my neighbor gives this lemang and guides us to eat with serunding. 

Malay and Chinese Sarawak mostly have kuih kelupis especially on Hari Raya celebration. After tasted it, Papa and Mama categorize serunding is chicken floss.  

Can't resist the temptation from Kuih Kelupis. #saratok #sarawak #kuihkelupis #hometown @t.leewen @jojo_loves_life_ @l_t_tay @_chee.tay_

A post shared by Tay Lee Chin (@tayleechin) on Feb 14, 2016 at 4:10pm PST

Suddenly I feel want to eat kuih kelupis 

 Lunch at Texas Chicken. This boy is the expert of photo bomber in ruining our photo 

#photobomb #alorsetartexaschicken #ayamlimauberapi 

One of the top 10 most beautiful mosque in the world, Zahir Mosque #alorsetar #zahirmosque #beautifulmosque